Pleasure and Purpose


Kids are amazing teachers.

Mourning, I realized, is a very complex phase in processing loss. In my case, it isn’t as if you are crying all the time, but piano instrumentals in malls and derma clinics and diagnostic centers are more than enough to make you bawl while waiting. Then you survive the rest of the time. You eat, you drink, you care for your child and then you sleep. You can even laugh at TV series. But you do it all under a dark cloud that seems to be following you everywhere.


Expert grievers say mourning is a must. I think so, too. Though I think there should also be effort in trying to be normal. Extreme emotionalism has never proven itself to be beneficial for anybody. Although there is reason for a surplus of grief for me at this point, giving myself over to sadness still is not to be excused. And though I could very well do it if I wanted to, I must note that it is to my detriment. I know I experienced loss but I don’t think I necessarily have to lose, right?


To the grieving I might advise, “Just look at the bright side of things!” Or to think things like: it could have been worse. But that merits the question, how is losing a baby better? Funny but what this shows is that while positivity is great, it doesn’t work at all times. Blessings make burdens lighter but if by them you no longer feel the reality of pain, then that’s called escapism.


The other day Philip stroked my tummy and said “Baby… This is Philep Kuya. This is Philep Kuya.”


I used to cry every time he said that, especially when everything was still so fresh. But that day I was surprised to find that it didn’t sting. Instead it gave me a revelation of what babies are for. Or maybe more accurately, what they are not for.


That Philip longs for a brother brought me to think that a baby really doesn’t just exist only for his mother – that every child is for his parents, his siblings, his nation, and ultimately for his God. God has purposes for all children, no matter how long or how short they live, in utero or outside, He has a purpose for each which far exceeds the joy of mothers.


Prior to this moment I couldn’t bring myself to think of conceiving again as I am too traumatized. But thank God for my son, who is only two years of age but made his 35-year-old mom realize how selfish a thought that was, not to embark on the precious journey of pregnancy just because it once failed to please herself.


(Note: Please do not think of this as being hard on myself, too. I am going through the due process of grieving and everything has come to me organically, with no one forcing this readiness upon me.)


Surely, there is pleasure in being a mom but I must not claim it all for myself. The purpose of a child surely is more than that which gives me courage to embark the path of pregnancy all over again — fears, joys and all. After all, Philip is wonderful! A blessing to so many people! How do I get to make that again if I am not willing to embrace everything that comes with it?


See this is not positivity, but purpose and hope. I can think and think of what I have instead of what I don’t have, of my cup half full instead of half-empty, but it still won’t be enough. Because I realized that thinking still boils down to the same old problem and the same old focus: the pleasure of myself.


On the other hand, purpose withdraws from a solo and narrow perspective of things. It is able to take into account so many lives and blesses me with peace and courage that even my pains are not in vain.


Ultimately, it allows me to bring my attention to and fix my eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Who, for the joy set before him endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2). And what was this joy? To obey His Father and to save the world. Selfless and yet, so full of unspeakable joy!!!


There is truly a purpose bigger than one’s pleasure. Moreover, a pleasure that is derived from purpose. And for that, I can boldly say that Jesus is my ultimate idol!


Have a great day!



  • Gina
    March 23, 2016

    Appreciate a lot your insight about the difference between pleasure and purpose. Very inspiring! =)

    • Mrs.BO
      March 23, 2016

      Thanks Gina! I also was so surprised that a two-year-old was the one to make me realize that purpose is greater than pleasure!

  • Ivz
    March 23, 2016

    I admire you and what you shared. This is us people, “do things to please ourselves”, but God is so graceful to let us enjoy life more than of what we deserve.

    I pray for your healing, emotionally and physically. Let’s spread the love and His WORDS. God bless you and your family.

    • Mrs.BO
      March 23, 2016

      We are always so self-centered when God is so benevolent. May we always be more like Him and less of us!

      • Ivz
        March 23, 2016

        Amazing God!

        Ironically, I greeted a friend with this…
        “Happy blessed birthday!
        More of God and less of us!”

  • Jude Agbayani
    March 23, 2016

    I love this Carla “There is truly a purpose bigger than one’s pleasure. Moreover, a pleasure that is derived from purpose.” His grace is indeed sufficient and it is evident in your words and in your journey with Him 🙂

  • SJ
    March 23, 2016

    Mourning is part of healing. Only then can we truly realize the joy of the breakthrough and how the Lord Jesus walked with us in the most painful moments of our lives. Mourning gives us time to reflect and crying very cathartic. I have realized that after having 3 consecutive miscarriages after my eldest son. Every time, in our pain and grief we proclaimed: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
    Little did we know it was His way to show us His awesome power. He gave us our miracle baby the year after my 3rd miscarriage. And he is now 7 a living testimony of how the Lord turned our mourning into dancing.

    I believe through this experience the Lord is preparing a greater testimony for you Mrs. Bo . And I’m looking forward to reading it. 🙂 Thank you for being a blessing!

    • Mrs.BO
      March 31, 2016

      Thank you SJ. For encouraging me and sharing your story!

  • Grace Castro
    March 24, 2016

    Indeed being positive is not enough. Having the right purpose is. Thank you for making me realize that being positive in my homeschooling will never be enough for me to do what is right in face of disobedient & uninterested student who prefers to play all day than learn our planned lesson for the day. I have to always go back to the purpose of our homeschooling (Proverbs 22:6) to be able to truly teach my boys about Jesus not just in our lessons but how I respond to our circumstances day by day.

    Not related to grieving but certainly gave me amazing insight to what Lord wants to tell me today as I face beautiful chaos with my boys at home. You are amazing, my Lord!

    Thank you Rica & Philip for this inspiring insight! May our Lord continue to overflow His presence in your family as you continue to be big blessing to all of us. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

    • Mrs.BO
      Grace Castro
      March 31, 2016

      Thank you Grace! You are an encouragement to me, as well. Your comment made me want to keep on writing my journey and share every small and big lesson God gives. 🙂

  • Vim
    April 4, 2016

    Thank you Ms Rica for sharing this one.
    I am on my second trimester for my 3rd child.
    So much worries running through my mind as this is definitely not planned. But as you said, there is a purpose. So I just surrender all my worries to Him and let His plans unfold.
    Same as Philip, my 2 kids always rub and kiss my tummy, always looking forward on the next pre-natal check up so they could see the development of the baby.
    Thank you for being an inspiration! Continue to be a blessing to others!

Leave a Reply

Previous Post
To Have and To Hold
Read More
Next Post
How not to be a Miserable Comforter
Read More